Balance

Life is a gift and one I am truly grateful for. Each day my understanding of gratitude changes and improves, I have learnt, through meditation over the years that gratitude is something we can feel, touch, taste, hear, something that awakens the most intimate parts of our bodies and minds, but it is something we so seldom sit and really embrace

 

 

 

The last few months have been somewhat of an interesting journey for me, one that has brought many questions to the forefront of my mind and one that has left me a little unsettled as I confirm yet again that I am still an all or nothing kinda gal, one who dives in the deep end and shriek with joy as I approach the biggest waves, one that loves the thrill of fear, the buzz you get from looking for your next gear placement whilst half way up a mountain, one that thrives on the excitement of getting my wheel just in the right place on a thread bare downhill single track. My association with life is to live to the fullest, with a glass always half full, so when I embarked on yet another journey to wellness in January, I dived in with all fours with new excitement and hope that this journey would be the one that will finally bring me closer to improved health and finding the essence is of my existence.

 

You see life is a little like balancing spinning plates and one that requires skill and precision. Over the last couple of months I have worked closely on learning this skill and building on my existing knowledge and if I am honest it has been a struggle. Often it feels like this work-life balance is an illusion, one that despite our best attempts we can only maintain the perfect balance with our pretty plates spinning at the right time and right place for a certain time before we realise that we are missing something, balance and the inevitable chaos that comes with being human.

 

Right now I am standing at the edge of reason, as I face the next phase. You see I have faced three months of sheer dedication and focus on my health during the day with a dedicated morning to healing, rest after lunch and spend my time as a good mum in the afternoon, wife in the evening, before I pamper my tender loins for a good nights rest, and injecting any spare time I have into research. Don't get me wrong I am loving my new routine, it is a pleasure, I rise get my kids to school, come home do some gentle yoga followed by a long meditation, prepare my lunch and do the must-do jobs and read up about foods, go to bed, rest, get up and so on. My soul feels calm, grounded, nourished and loved and for the first time in my life I feel pretty happy in my skin, happy with who I am, grateful for my being and excited about my future.

 

One slight problem is that some pretty plates have fallen by the wayside, I miss my sewing machine, my crochet hooks, my embroidery floss and most of all feeling balanced in the sense that only works for me. There are no right answers, there are no gimmicks, this is life at the core, in the deep end, but I can swim and I want to and somehow I know with time I will find my balance.

 

For now, I feel a little torn, like I am leading a double life. You see, I made the decision earlier this year that I would really inject every ounce of my being into my recovery and for me the best way I could see this happen is through doing what I am doing now, but also to finally start a blog where I could write about my journey to recovery. Over two years ago, from my bed, I made a feeble attempt at starting and ME blog, nothing about it felt right, but now I am geared up and ready. My focus will  predominantly be around food and as a result I have started a new Instagram account called Scrummytritious, the name I hope to use for my new blog when I get around to it. It feels a little strange to be living two sides of your life, but it works for me.

Cosmos and Cotton has been my savour during a time when I needed to reconnect with the world and re-engage my brain. You see four walls can get pretty lonely at times and this little space has given me light, love and hope, but above all a place where I can express the creative side of me and talk about family and gardening. My need to be creative has always been there, since I was a little girl and I love that Cosmos and Cotton has become a little platform for me where I can feel inspired by like minded souls. This little space was never really intended for ME, but its my life and ME is such a BIG part of it, I couldn't keep it separate. Now however I feel ready to do a little more, be a little more focussed and I honestly don't want to start incorporating my weekly journey with M.E here, so I feel it best to shift the gears in a different direction. This comes at a strange time, especially seeing that the very lovely and dear friend Clare have recently nominated me for this rather special award for promoting ME awareness, which I will share with you soon.

 

For now though, things may be a little quiet here, but that is just because I keep dropping these plates and I am learning how to balance everything without loosing the essence of what I am setting out to achieve. You see like those spinning plates we can try our best with everything at once, but generally it only lasts a few days, weeks, months or years before something happens to disrupt it. I want to find a lifestyle that I can keep, one that will see me through the rest of my days even when I am well again and this will take some time to figure out.

 

I know this is a really long post and one with very few photos, it just goes to show it can be done. It can be so powerful to put your thoughts on paper and really appreciate the enormity of what you are trying to achieve in life. I am missing you all and you are never far from my thoughts and I am hopeful that one day soon I will find the perfect equilibrium, for now though Namaste.

 

 

 

Warm Wishes

Hannapat

xoxo

 

Finding my inner peace through a Mandala

 The last couple of days have been spent loving and nurturing a rather delicate body after half term. I have been yearning for some contact with the ground, some quiet time just to sit and listen to my breath, to gentle turn away the chattering monkeys and to find some harmony and balance again

 

 

I have given the computer a wide berth and really focused on my body and mind. I am nurturing it daily with delicious green smoothies, smoothie bowls and wonderful salads and fascinating books. I am connecting with all my chakras and are feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love for all the people in my world (that includes YOU!)

 

 

throughout this week I have had an enormous urge to crochet another Mandala and I simply reached for the same pattern that I spoke hooked here. It is a pattern from Simply Crochet (August 2013)

 

 

 

Then to quote what I wrote here:

'The word Mandala comes from the Sanskrit Mandala, which means 'circle', it also represents the universe. Some also believe that it is a symbol of the dreamers search for completeness in a dream. What I like about Mandala's is their visual appearance and how it has the power to absorb the mind and to stop all the chattering that is forever going on. It brings me to a state of awareness and consciousness, and I suppose there is a rather hypnotic feel to working these circles. In our busy lives it is so hard to find time to just be with the here and the now and to get rid of all the thoughts that is forever consuming our minds and actions and that is why I am such a great believer in the power of meditation as it gives us a platform to just be here and now but in a quiet place and space to address the underlying issues, happy or sad, that might never really be heard in our busy days. I have to add here that meditation doesn't just have to occur in these quiet places, but can be done anywhere and at any point in the day no matter where you are.

 

 

 

Another aspect that I really enjoyed when working these Mandala's was the knowledge that it represents giving everything to the universe, in order to receive teaching and or empowerment in return. Now although this goes far deeper than that in the spiritual sense of the word, I did feel quite empowered by ye old granny and most definitely found that I had regained respect for the teachings from this simple yet beautiful stitch.'

 

 

It seemed like the perfect crochet project for me this week and I have already started another. I am embracing the flow of love and compassion that I have felt throughout this week and I have loved this project

 



 

This afternoon we enjoyed the most glorious sunshine and the kids and myself stayed out in the garden till after 5, it certainly feels like there is a promise of Spring in the air.

 

 

Apologies if I haven't visited any blogs or replied to any emails, I will hopefully find the energy and urge to do it soon. I will be back soon with news on my first giveaway, very exciting. Joining in today with the lovely Chrissie and Marianne for their 'Blooming Crochet-A-Long'

 

Sending you all healing and happy love

Hannapat

xoxo



 

This year

there were so many plans, so many dreams for this little space, Etsy and life itself. There was an urge to fervently write lists and new years resolutions.

 
Then there was a moment when life stopped, the only thing that kept a sense of perspective was the beat of my heart.

The month running up to Christmas was one of my toughest M.E months to date,  not so much on a physical level, but more on an emotional level and if I'm honest it was a really difficult time for me. I spent countless hours contemplating the benefits of writing here about it all, but instead I chose some time away from it all.

The time away has cleared my horizon and given way to a new perspective. For over four years now I have been yearning to have days where I can focus on my recovery without the constant need of caring and mothering my children. I have finally received this gift as little E is now in school and for the first time since I fell ill I have a beautiful blank canvass that I want to handle with care, love and respect, but most of all eventually fill it with the most vibrant colours that will sing to my soul.

Within is a voice that talks to us daily, one we so often choose to ignore, not by choice, but because of societal conditioning. A large majority of us have not been conditioned to meditate daily and to tame the so called 'chattering monkey', in fact very few of us know how to be still and be at one with our bodies. It truly is an art, one that takes years and years of practice and for me one that once perfected will epitomise self-actualisation. Over the years I have worked hard on trying to join the forces of my mind and body so they flow like Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata Op27. no 2. Instead my innate stubbornness, desire to achieve, driven nature and need to always be busy stands like an iceberg between my mind and body.

The only way I can think of moving forward is to really tune in, listen to each note blending into the next, feeling each staccato, legato and crescendo from the core. The decision to not commit to anything hasn't come lightly, but for now I am just going with the flow seeing where my body and mind wants to take me. Each day a blank canvas and even though life has to go on and I have a family to care for, I am trying to focus on the things that I think will help. These are things I know from experience can heal and improve the mind and body.

 Nine years ago I fell ill with viral meningitis and after three months in bed I felt helpless and didn't know how I was going to regain my strength to get back to my then senior manager post. I contacted a yoga teacher who for a while did private tuition with me at home as I was too weak to move and within weeks my body started responding in the most amazing way. I no longer had to sit at the top of the stairs when I got there I could move, breathe and within a month I was back at work.

 

The passion didn't end there, I continued daily practice and twice weekly classes even through pregnancies and with babies doing baby yoga. It is a practice that I have tried throughout my journey with M.E but with little success as it seems to create some trigger for shingles that take very little to activate in my body. Now I feel ready to try again and this time starting with baby steps and following yoga for Chronic Fatigue. I have done three sessions and already I am feeling and seeing the benefits. I love how yoga gives you energy and light from within. It has also made me realise just how weak four years of ill health has made my body and I look forward to regaining some strength.

 

 

I am also stripping down everything I am fuelling my body with, back to the early stages of my M.E and letting my body find some comfort and love in the goodness that mother earth has given us. For now I am avoiding all sugar, apart from natural sugars, but it is not all doom and gloom as I am looking forward to experimenting with some raw foods to see what little treats we can enjoy, but more on that another day. I have started using a wonderful app called MyFitnessPal. It is great tool to log what you eat and use it as a food diary and monitor how certain food affect you, it is also great for weight loss as it gives you your calorie intake allowance for each day.

 

 

There will be more time just to sit, read and enjoy the gift of being still. There will be hours creating, but hopefully in a different vein, one that appreciates and enjoys every aspect of the process through mindfulness and without any future expectation clouding the mind. This won't be easy as I get so carried away wanting to make a million things all at once, for me sometimes I think the biggest pleasure comes from dreaming and planning, but with time and effort I am a firm believer that it will get easier and more enjoyable. I am enjoying my new start and am already feeling small benefits.

 

Once I post this post I am sitting down with this month's Simply Crochet (Issue 14), and I have been so excited to get my mitts on this copy, especially seeing that the lovely Andrea from Betty&Annie is featuring in it. I love Andrea's blog and if you haven't already seen her most recent work of art, please go and check out her fabulous tablecloth!!

 

 

Wishing you all a very enjoyable week.

Warm Wishes

Hannapat

xoxo

Progress on my Dottie Angel inspired crochet blanket & weekend plans

Its been some time, since my last couple of posts about my crochet blanket and I am very pleased to say that it is finally coming together.

I only have another couple of squares to finish and then its time for the border.  I do have a slight impasse in that the wool intended for the border has nearly run out and I can't source more, oops! As we speak I have a few ideas of how to solve the problem, but only time will tell. For now, I can only but hope that this weekend will provide lots of lovely moments for hooking and right now I am feeling rather hopeful.

 

One always need a little companion for these moments and nothing does it better than a cuppa and a flapjack. Having tried quite a few different flapjack recipes, I always come back to Rachel Allen's recipe with dessicated coconut. The recipe asks to combine it with chocolate, but we all prefer it without.

 

 

 

Our weekend plans are usually dominated by birthday parties, and this weekend is no different. With a rather dank weather forecast for the weekend, plans are largely on hold, hence the optimism for some crochet time. I'm not sure whether we will manage another coat of paint on the wendy house, but I promise to share once completed. There is also the plan to make some bowls out of doilies, so we will see how this goes. Have you ever tried this and if so did you use sugar or fabric stiffener?? What are your experiences here?

 

 

 

For now, it's time to sign off, but before I go, I want to share some very delicious parcels I have recently received from orders I placed at the Vintage Sheet Addict Etsy shop. Ada is running a 20% off promotion until tomorrow, you can read more about it on her very lovely blog. I was delighted today when my second parcel arrived and here's what I found inside.

 

 

 

I just love all these retro wallpapers and look forward to putting them into good use. My fave, which I LOVE, is the third roll from the top in the first photo.

 

So what are your plans for the weekend?? What projects are you working on?

 

Wishing you all a very lovely weekend, thanks for stopping by.

xoxo 

 

Liquid lunch

Part of my journey with M.E has been to really focus on diet and lately I have started to throw a few things in the blender with the end result being a very delicious smoothie.

I always put in some coconut water, half an avocado, a carrot, a stick of celery and then the rest is dependent on what's in the fridge. The other essential for me is Linwoods milled flaxseed, almonds, brazil nuts and walnuts with Q10, largely for some added protein and the benefits of Q10. Q10 is a powerful antioxidant that boost immunity and is also known to treat certain types of cancer. Here is an interesting article about it.

 

Today, it's been mange tout and some green beans

and I always add some frozen or fresh fruit. Today's choice was frozen tropical fruit.

 

 

I love this new way of eating and what I like best is that there is always enough for another snack later in the day. I eat at least six meals a day as I can't last long without food and this is a great mid afternoon snack for me. I have experimented with a huge variety of vegetables and to be honest ANYTHING works. It is also a great way to use up veg that needs using up.

 

When we have some money I would love to buy a Vitamix blender as they are amazing and can even make soup, but very pricey unfortunately. If you are interested in healthy eating, check out this Raw Chi website for some inspiration.

 

 Do you enjoy smoothies or juices made at home?